How You Can Help A Victim

Domestic violence affects everyone, and it hurts us all. What can you do to help someone who is being abused or battered?

Helping someone you know who is in an abusive relationship can be one of the most difficult things you ever do, and it is not always easy. But supporting someone who is being abused can help save a life, and there are ways you can provide support without contributing to the danger.

What can I do if someone I care about is being abused?

Some things YOU CAN DO are:

• Listen and acknowledge that the victim is in a very difficult and scary situation.
• Encourage the person to talk about the situation with a trusted adult or professional.
• Help develop a safety plan.
• Learn more about domestic violence. The more you know, the better you can help someone you care about.

Some things NOT TO DO:

• DO NOT blame the victim for the abuse. Violence is a choice on the part of the abuser. Domestic violence is NEVER the victim’s fault.
• DO NOT force or pressure someone to leave a relationship if she or he is not ready to, or does not want to leave. There may be several complicated reasons that the person is staying, including fearing for their safety and the safety of their children.
• DO NOT share what is happening with someone else if your friend has asked you not to. Use your best judgment if you think someone’s life is in danger. But be sure to tell your friend what you are doing.
• DO NOT assume the person is fine after the relationship is over. She or he will probably feel sad, lonely, and confused, and you should continue to provide support. Transitions provides support groups to current, present, and past victims. Please call Jeanne at (757) 728-2638 for more information.
• DO NOT make your friend feel bad for any decisions they might make.
• DO NOT forget to check yourself. If you find yourself becoming very frustrated or upset the situation, know when to take a time out or step back. Be honest about this with your friend.

What if someone I know is being abusive?
Encourage the person to talk to someone about it immediately. Help explain why the actions are wrong, and encourage the person to take steps to stop. Remember, committing acts of domestic violence is a choice.

For more information on what you can do to prevent domestic violence, or how to help someone who is in an abusive relationship, call Transitions Family Violence Services 24-hour Hotline at (757) 723-7774.